I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
