One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
