yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
