OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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