I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
