how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
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I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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