the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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