I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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