Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
