Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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