Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
