So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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