I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
