You're my little dorito
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
