i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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