Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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