me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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