Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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