My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They took my balls.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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