1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
