my vag is so smooth its legendary
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize