Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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