I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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