if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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