Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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