I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
