watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
