We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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