His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
