i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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