I just threw up on my dentist
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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