I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
