Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FUCK WHALES
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