He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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