I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
