You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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