She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
