i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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