**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
