Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
