It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
