I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
