Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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