I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
