That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry my hands just texted you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
