when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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