Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize