I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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