Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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