Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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