Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
