I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
