I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
