i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
