Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My liver just had a heart attack.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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