I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
