Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
