Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i permit you to call me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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