I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
