Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
