nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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