thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
