Whats the glycemic index on semen?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
