Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
