I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
being pregnant is like rehab
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
