i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
