I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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